Adventurous. Spontaneous. Heartbreaking. Unimaginable. Overwhelming. Tough. Joyful. Blessed. Full of the unknown and unexpected.
Just a few adjectives that could describe my life.
I love photography. I know you all know this because my obsession with photos is evident by the constant flow that takes over my twitter and facebook. What can I say, I'm a visual, creative person....things sometimes are just better describe in photo form than written form.
I've learned that this can lead people to have a skewed idea of what my day to day life is like and I can understand this. It's easy to see life as this happy-go-lucky, no care in the world thing...when you see photos of smiling kids having fun, beautiful scenery, etc. I've lost "friends" because of it and gained some "friends" because of it. This "glamorous" life that I live is filled with sleepless nights, no social life, oatmeal down my back, snotty noses, sticky fingers, half packed suitcases, laundry I don't have time to do, family that lives miles away....life is messy and exhausting...and yet....beautiful.
I'm going to be honest here. I'm heading into probably one of the hardest chapters in my life and although I can see already how God's hand is in it, I am heartbroken, hurt, and tired. I don't want to face it, but I am choosing to walk forward in the knowledge that God has never left me hanging.
As some of you know my best friend, Jenna, has decided to follow her dream and go to PA school. SO so proud of her. So excited to watch her walk into this new journey.....so so so sad though to have to say goodbye. We have been roommates and best friends for six years. We have walked through each other's darkest times, moved to a new city together, have had too many adventures to count, raised two, brother, puppies together, share everything, went from being broke and crashing at people's houses to building up a pretty snazzy looking place to live (after moving a billion times)...cheesy, but, she's the sister I never had. I'm going to miss her and her pup Tonka so much. I'm going to have to re-learn how to live life without my best friend by my side.
That's just one of the changes happening. So many other things that I really can't talk about on here are going on and other than staying with the jobs that I have I am completely re-starting. It's exciting and exhausting just thinking about it. Especially because we have moved 5 times in two yrs....and I just unpacked and threw away our last box this week....only to find out I will begin packing again next week. I'm learning to be content where I am, but always ready to go when God throws a curve ball. He has already been faithful by providing a temporary home (thanks Brit and Jer) for me for the next few months and by sending extra work my way in the slow season to come. He is faithful.
It's times like these that I am beyond blessed and can see how faithful God is by sending me the incredible families I work for. Although the past fews weeks have been rough and I apologize to anyone who has interacted with me in those weeks (and the weeks to come), because I feel like I am not present or able to engage, when I'm with "my" kiddos I have the adrenaline and drive to continue forward. They are what make me excited for the future and give so much purpose to my day to day right now.
I don't write this to be a downer or seek pity. I am truly excited to see what God has in store around the corner, but I want to be honest for those of you who sometimes think that it's greener on the other side. Life will be messy no matter where you are, no matter what your job is, or where your location is, it's messy if you are in the spotlight or beyond the scenes. But I wouldn't trade the messiness for neat and controlled. I wouldn't trade the sticky fingers, snotty kisses, tearful goodbyes, or overwhelming piles of laundry for anything. It's through the heartache and exhaustion that God has always shown me His faithfulness and His amazing way of piecing the puzzle of my life together.
Be present where you are, but hold things loosely, enjoy today, and always know that you are not alone. Everyone has a story and a struggle.
For Now I'm choosing to soak up the little moments....
Go on adventures...
and stop to breathe in the beauty that is Life.
Blessings to you my friends. Forgive my ill-written post, if I could have put it in photo form I would :)