Created to Serve

So far I'm failing at this whole "regular blogging" thing. We are constantly checking our budget and scraping the last of the pay-checks to pay bills and internet just isn't on the list. Oh the days of being a college grad trying to make it in the real world.

My "normal" life (which is far from anything normal) had me sitting in a 24 hour laundry mat today in Florence. KY with a baby to entertain and gross camp clothes in the washer....

I tried to take advantage of the wireless and get this written, but of course when the baby wakes up and needs entertaining and the only outlet is back behind the arcade games....it's pretty much insanity. I looked just a little strange and out of place with my fancy computer, ringless finger, hyper baby and sweat dripping down my face...just thought you should have a nice vivid image....

Seriously why do they not put air conditioning in a laundry mat...I mean with 20 dryers running and 105 degree weather outside...I was sweating like a pig.
Do pigs even sweat?
I dunno....

Isn't she adorable?

ok focus.



 So this past Thursday we packed 100 kids in a hot school bus and headed for the middle of nowhere Kentucky for a hill billy themed summer youth camp.

Sounds exciting right?

Well when you describe running around all day in the hot sun, listening (and watching) high-school drama play out, keeping middle schoolers in line, and doing hand-checks throughout the whole thing it may not sounds exactly like the best way to spend a weekend. At least I wasn't so sure it's how I wanted to spend my weekend.  

Until....

I did.

Now not saying there wasn't drama, hand-checks and pesky little middle schoolers. There were. But I truly loved every minute of it. It reminded me of a promise I made back when I was in High School. I made a promise to God that if He ever opened the door for me to walk alongside and speak into young students' lives that I wouldn't walk past with my eyes blinded, but instead would jump in head first  and be the person to them that I always wanted in my own life.

We did some crazy things and heard some crazy good messages. Small groups were awesome and the girls dove right into getting real with each other and dealing with some tough issues. I was so proud of them. I learn so much from them and their passion for life. While at the same time I try so hard not to get frustrated when I see them walking down destructive paths, heading for heartbreak...I want so badly to fix it and have them learn from my mistakes instead.

Phew.

What a good lesson in patience and giving it up to God.

Deep down though,
These kids are amazing.

 I have never seen such a close-knit group and I've never seen High Schoolers lead and welcome in Middle Schoolers like this group does. I was truly sad to have to leave early and miss out on any part of the experience.  That one break through, that one heart-felt discovery, that one kid that has finally broken down a wall is worth every bit of boy drama, gossip, and tough confrontation.  Not to mention summer camp is a great excuse to bring out the youth in you. I mean when else does a 24 year old get a chance to play on a giant slip n slide, go tubing,  or plan pranks without being called completely immature?

I had a blast.

And despite being covered in sunburn, bruises and not being able to move a single muscle without pain (my goodness I think I'm getting old)....I feel completely refreshed and ready to continue walking with my girls and encouraging them as they face hard decisions and situations in their young lives.

Someone made a comment today about me coming straight from youth camp to nannying out of town for a week and how I'm called to work with kids.
Such a simple comment, but it struck me smack in the face.
So many times I try to run away from what I do best and what I really do enjoy doing. I get it in my head that I have to do more things that are age appropriate for a single, child-less 24 year old and that I need to try to step out of always playing caretaker.  Then at camp, without thinking, I fall into taking the role of camp nurse, making sure kids are drinking water and listening to people joke about me being "Mommy Kelsey" or "Nanny Kelsey".

 For some reason I take it as a bad thing, but it's who I am.

It's who God has called me to be.

And I love it.

I like serving with my hands, getting dirty, comforting people, guiding young people. I don't mind  blood, cleaning cuts on feet, changing diapers and getting baby-food spit at me. It really doesn't bother me. 

I realize that as much as I tell my youth girls that they need to not worry about what other people think and they can be what they feel God calling them to be, not what other's tell them to be....I do the same thing. I listen to all these people tell me I need to just live a life more appropriate to my age and I listen.  

Don't get me wrong, there is some truth to it and I need to learn to take time to myself, hang out with people my age and seperate myself sometimes. But I need to remember I am an all or nothing person and be aware when I'm thinking in extremes.

Extremes are not always the answer.

This weekend was a good reminder. 

Balance can be found. 

I can fully be who God created me to be and use the gifts and passions He gave me and still take time to myself. 

Funny how quick I can lose sight of such a simple concept. 

Anyway it's a crazy two weeks.
Now I'm ready to get home...from camp I was picked up and headed straight to Cincinatti with one of the ladies I nanny for and her sweet baby girl (see photos from our past trip below), and from here I get dropped off with Todd and Angie and their sweet girls in Louisville...then finally home on Saturday night...only to move that week.

phew.

never a dull moment.

Maybe one day I will know what "normal life" is.

maybe.
or maybe I don't want to.

So that is my update....so very deep I know...but felt I needed to at least give a little update on life and share some fun photos.

Be looking for a slideshow from the Smith family photo session!!! Working on it now and going to get it up this week. Such a beautiful family, so dear to my heart.

I am so incredibly blessed.

*F.Y.I. the pictures lately are taken from my phone...I know, I know...I'm a photography and I love photography...but lately it's just too crazy to be dragging a big camera around. I need full use of my two hands to chase after kids so my phone has become my new best friend. Don't be judging the bad quality pics....although I do love instagram :)*

Life is Precious

My heart has been so heavy.

For those of you who are new to reading my blog (I had an old one here http://kelantz.blogspot.com/ if you want to read more back stories from me) I also work with our incredible youth group when I am not playing the role of nanny. Our youth are just amazing and we finish up every week by meeting in small groups and we dive into each other's lives.

 My wonderful roommate and best friend, Jenna (you're sure to hear more about her later)  is my co-leader and we have a girl in our group whose family has been walking a very hard path. Their 12 year old son was battling a brain tumor and as we got to hear their story and walk alongside his older sister, Alyssa, we were constantly being inspired and challenged to be living life with more purpose everyday.
    You see, her brother Matt was one of the most selfless people I have ever had the honor of hearing about. He was a twelve year old child...who had to go in and be poked, prodded and put through things no human being should ever go through...but instead of taking pity on himself (which he had every right to) he would make baked goods for the nurses, spread his sense of humor and share his radiant smile. (Go here to get a glimpse at his contagious humor- http://www.braintumorhumor.com/)

     As a youth leader you can show emotion, but for the most part you have to hold it together for the sake of the students you are leading and be strong for them...but I cannot tell you how many nights I would go home having heard Alyssa share the stories about her brother and her family and ask myself, "What am I doing with my life?" "How am I showing love to those around me?" "How many times have I complained about stupid little things...just today?"  It has been a humbling journey and although Jenna and I have had the honor of walking this journey with her...Alyssa and her family will never fully know how much of an impact they have left on my life...simply by sharing their story and sharing sweet Miracle Matt's story.

About a month ago Matt faced the last length of his race. He won...but not in the way that everyone here wanted him to win. Nonetheless....he won his race.

It is a night I will not forget, for many reasons.

     I will say that the next few days and the weeks since then, I have been challenged and amazed, hearing Matt's story and watching as his sweet family tries to process life without him here on earth...their faith and raw hurt. As outsiders looking in,  we are all changed forever, touched, and inspired by the life Matt lived...but I cannot imagine never hugging my little brother again. It's one of those moments where you want to trust God and know that He has a greater plan...but you wonder...why?  why a twelve year old little boy?

Life is precious.
No one is promised tomorrow.
What are you doing with your life here on earth?

   On Tuesday I received some shocking news that a young girl that used to be in the dance class I taught for several years, was killed in a car accident.

She was only 17 years old.

She was a joy to everyone and lived a life full of encouragement and optimism. I haven't had contact with her since I graduated High School and headed out to college, but I look back and can't remember a moment that she didn't make me smile....even when she was goofing off in class....she just had a gift for touching people's lives with her joy and humor. From hearing stories in the last few days from her friends...things didn't change...she is remembered as a light and a joy.  I still remember the first time I met her and her little sister...I was tagging along with my friend while she babysat...Lizzie was only four years old and even then I remember her as a spunky, joyful girl.

She has left behind so many questioning why such a young, outgoing girl would be given such a short life here on earth...she has left behind a family grieving with empty arms. A girl who no longer has her big sister to turn to. Why?

Life is precious.

No one is promised tomorrow.

What are you doing with your life here on earth?

I cannot give an answer...in fact I ask these same questions...Why him God? Why that family? Why her? Why just driving around her home town? 

I could say the same thing for so many of my sweet friends here who are left with an empty cradle or a gap in their family....It's something that I feel there are no set answers to...I can say..."trust that God is in control"..."it's all in His will"....which it is...but that doesn't take away the hurt.

We may not be able to take away the hurt or answer the hard questions, but we can make sure that those short lives were not in vain. It is through hurt that we know how to love.  I've really been learning this watching our sweet group of girls in youth group. It's through their stories of hurt and their willingness to share with each other that they have started discovering raw community and purpose in their individual journeys.

   Matt lived more life and loved more people in his short life than most people who live to die of old age. That kid touched lives across the world...he touched my life...



We can simply remember them and know that they lived and loved well...OR we can be challenged...

Life is precious.
We are not promised tomorrow.
What are you doing today?
How did you treat the lady at Starbucks this morning?
Did you share a smile with your cashier at the grocery store?
Are you someone people describe as joyful? Loving well?
Are you giving life to those around you....or draining it?

These are the questions I have been asking myself more lately as I grieve with these families...and I'm sad to say...most of the time I am too easily caught up in the petty frustrations of the day. The person in front of me is driving too slow, the lady at the gas station was too snotty, the kids were about to make me pull my hair out today...etc.  Instead of stepping out of my own tiny, selfish world and stopping to think...how can I serve this person? What are THEY going through? How would me putting a smile on and acting out of gentleness change the entire aspect of this situation?
What impact am I leaving?
Am I loving well?
Am I serving?
Not just serving when I go on mission trips or volunteer....no...am I truly, selflessly, serving the people I come in contact with every day?

I want to be more like Miracle Matt. I want to have the joy that Lizzie spread. I want to share my story like Alyssa. I want to use my story like my youth girls do.

I don't want to live the life I have been given in vain.

What are you doing?
What legacy are you leaving?
How are you going to be remembered?